What up doe, Bandman here! When I woke up this morning, I knew that I had something to say but I did not know what. I guess I will start with how I am feeling and if I had to put it into words, I guess the only thing that comes to mind is "Immeasurable Gratitude". My mornings usually start with a bit of existential dread and anxiety trying to figure out where I belong in this ambiguously hazy jigsaw puzzle known as modern life, but not today! I still have the questions of "where do I belong?" and "do I matter?"... you know...the typical overthinker questions but now they are framed with a bit of child-like curiosity and wonder! I have no idea what I am doing in life but that is okay because life is all about the journey and my recent adventures have been showing me that.
Fear kept me back from doing a lot of things that I have always been interested in outside of music. Don't get me wrong, I am painfully aware of how blessed I truly was being a band director. Getting to teach my passion on a daily basis AND have built-in vacations made everything worth it until I began feeling a deep void in my spirit. During the years of 2020 and 2022, my passion for music and teaching remained strong but I wanted more. I wanted to pursue writing as well as a host of other things but being a full time band director and trying to pursue all of the ideas that I was having, all the while being a full time graduate student was not conducive for the creative process, but I couldn't just quit my job, I mean what would everyone think? I was gripped by fear and paralyzed with anxiety so I did not step out on faith and I let several ideas die.
Four years later and I am doing something that I should have a while ago and that is creating purpose instead of wandering through life aimlessly looking for it. As I said in my last post, I don't really know what "this" is. All I know is that when I wake up in the morning, my only obligation is to do whatever my heart desires. Again, defining my own path instead of following the statuesque that has been established for me by people who do not know me. I realized that living a life with no purpose just for the approval of others is dangerous for me because not knowing my purpose caused me to wrap myself into my career and neglect the things that really matters. As a result of my unwavering dedication to the craft, I had a pretty good run as a band director. Each school that I taught at, I can proudly say that my being there had an effect on the climate in a positive way but I was still unhappy.
So why am I feeling so grateful? Two weeks ago, I was struggling with no longer being a band director. I haven't really been good at much outside of directing bands so needless to say, while all of my friends were posting their band camp footage and pictures, I first looked at them through envy-goggles. I can assure you that it wasn't in a malicious way. I want them to be great and continue doing a great job at what they do, otherwise I wouldn't be able to call them my friends. I had to remember why I left the bandroom in the first place, and that is to serve musicians, music educators, and music programs in a way that does not confine me to one location. That is my new purpose, to champion music education and support the ones who hold the future of music in their hands everyday. I'm grateful to have friends who inspire me to not only be the best musician I can be, they inspire me to be the best version of Myron that I can while holding me accountable.
I am extremely grateful for the many students who have come through my classroom and my private lesson studio. I still get rather tripped out anytime a former tells me that my class was their favorite part about going to school and that my classroom was their safe space. I am grateful because these students have supported me through some of the most difficult transitions in my life and were/are a constant source of inspiration and encouragement through my journey. I could not see the proverbial "forest through the trees". I was looking for purpose when I had it all along. I still have students message and call me just to chat and catch up as well as when they need guidance. Through it all, I'm still their teacher and they still have a special place in my heart.
Comments
Post a Comment